Dating and the single mom

July 23, 2019

By Rachel O.S. Edmund

Most single mothers don’t date. There isn’t enough of her to go around so she simply doesn’t. Dates for single mothers would include playdates, church activities if she attends a church, work activities or activities relative to the child’s life for e.g. a karate or swimming tournament that the child must attend.

Most single mothers’ lives revolve around three things: her job, her home and her children. There simply aren’t enough hours in the day to accommodate someone else especially if she has more than one child and little to no support. Remember most single mothers don’t have the luxury of having someone else assist so these activities listed are usually undertaken solely by her.

Here is a timeline that will show you how most single mothers spend their days.

3 a.m. – Wake up (spend time in prayer if she is so inclined).

4 a.m. – Prepare or finish prepare food for the children (breakfast and lunch).

5 a.m. – Shower and wake the children

6 a. m. – Depending on how close to her workplace she is she would leave home in order to commute (or drive if she has a car) and drop the children off to school/daycare.

7 a.m. – Drop off the kids at school (it’s wonderful when it’s only one school but if it is more than one then she is off to the next school possibly dealing with heavy traffic).

8 a.m. – Begin her work day.

2 p.m. – If she has small children she will go to pick up the child and drop them off at the afterschool care program or the activity that the child is involved in. This may also be her lunch hour.

4 p.m. – Hopefully she can get off duty at this time but you never can tell what will happen at the office or store where she works. She may have to cover someone else’s shift.

5 p. m. – Pick up children from daycare/afterschool program/activity

6 p.m. – Get home and begin dinner.

7 p.m. – Help with homework or school projects, start laundry.

8 p.m. – Eat dinner and put the children to bed.

9 p.m. – If she is also in school herself she will use this time to study. If she has work that she hasn’t completed (because she can bring her work home from the office she will use this time to try to complete that work or complete unfinished household tasks).

11 p.m. – Try to get as much sleep as she can (if she has toddlers this may be very little as they tend to wake up in the middle of the night for kisses, tea and hugs!)

She has to stick to this routine in order to be successful at time management and I haven’t placed her possible second job in the list for consideration but a lot of single mothers have secondary jobs which provide another source of income as the first may be inadequate in meeting her and her children’s needs. In addition to this, I have not included her time over the weekend as weekends can be filled with other activities for the children (playdates, church etc) as well as her volunteering her time to her community, spending much needed time with the children (beach outing or other fun activity if she can mamage) or her job may be a six or seven day week as opposed to a five day week).

A lot of people say that dating a single mother is difficult but I think that that isn’t necessarily true as there are a lot of benefits to dating a single mother. Men, in this case would need to understand certain things about her.

Single mothers are short on time so activities need to be properly planned and even when the best plans are laid out life still happens! Children get ill and require her attention as she is the sole caregiver so this is something that the potential suitor would need to understand.

Many a single mother rarely spend time apart from their children and separation anxiety doesn’t only exist in the children. They feel it too. They become anxious wondering whether or not their children are alright in the care of the sitter and though there are good sitters, you never know what can go wrong. He needs to understand this as well and if he can he should try to assuage her fears and concerns.

Money for a single mother is usually tight because she has to stretch her every dollar. Considering that men always ask these days what women are bringing to the table this would be something that she considers in terms of dating. She may think that the money she would spend on a fancy meal where she contributes half of the bill could be better utilized in addressing one of her children’s needs.

As her time is fleeting, the single mother won’t have time for someone who may not be as serious as she may be in terms of having someone who will be there for her children and for her. She may easily decline a “good man” because to her he simply isn’t that serious.

She also considers the ages of her children. In the age of technology and revelations of abuse of children by persons close to them (like a mother’s boyfriend) she doesn’t want to take the chance of this occurring within her household. She has so much to deal with to add something like this to her pot!

Some single mothers have made it to a place in their lives where they do not see the need for the complication of an additional human to their lives. They are successful and comfortable with the way that they live, giving their all for the children that they support as both mother and father. They do not think it necessary to endure a relationship or even put any effort into one based on her past experiences.

A lot of single mothers, depending on the relationship they have with their children’s father(s), will consider this when they consider dating. If she has had a series of relationships which left her with children that the fathers do not support she may be hesitant to date.

Societal pressures also factor in to what a single mother considers when she thinks about dating. Society is so judgmental when it comes to women and children. They say “why she have all dem chirren and she eh have a man? Why she going with someone else when she know the first one eh minding the child” as though she doesn’t have desires and as though she doesn’t deserve happiness in her life.

Her age is also something that she considers when thinking about dating. If she has gone a great portion of her life without dating she may feel as though she is too old to get back into the dating pool as the dating pool tends to have a lot more young women and even young men than older ones.

The dating pool itself leaves much to be desired when you really look at it. The pool for which young and old women compete include: gay men, incarcerated men or men who have been to jail, old men, very young men and the men around her age may already be in relationships or married with children. Of those eligible she would have her preferences and such, making the pool smaller in number and her thoughts on dating relegated to “I just don’t need to go through all that!”

So guys it is important to understand these things before looking to hook up (which in many cases won’t happen because she is looking for stability rather than a hook up!). We know that you have your preferences but just in case you come upon a single mother please know that you need to be serious about any type of relationship that you wish to pursue. Anything less will be an absolute waste of both of your time!

© 2019 TTSMART All Rights Reserved

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